Monday, July 13, 2009

CEOs and Execs Read Carefully

Picture: Flirting people being useless at the workplace

So...I've come down with a nasty case of the Mondays. And shockingly, cursing in the subway, mean-muggin and pretending that today is really just Saturday has not cured my ailment. So while I sit here at work, observing those around me, I have begun to think of ways that companies can increase productivity for workers like me who don't ever have their ish together.

- Don't disable sites like Facebook and Youtube. People will spend more time trying to find bootleg versions of those sites or spend countless hours trying to circumvent the system (and almost downloading mad viruses in the process -- this of course is not speaking from personal experience....)
- Four day work weeks.
- Hire busted people. Flirtation between coworkers takes up a good 4 hours of each day.
- Do away with the whole "office" thing. Phone, AIM and texting work just fine. Hell, I'll even video chat if I need to (but only if you can see my shoulders up because I would like to remain in my hotpants, thank you)
- If you are going to do the whole "office" thing, provide catered lunches every day from Chik-Fil-A. That mess is crack.

Anyways, that's all for now...Can you believe it's lunch time already? I guess I have been hard at work, perfecting this blog! I shall be recording "Imagination" on Tuesday, god-willing. I'll leave you with this interesting workplace clip.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Through the Wire-less

I never thought I could do it, but I am surviving an internet-less summer! After work every night I return to a quiet facebook-free apartment...and I'm seeing that life is beautiful. I never realized how annoyed I was at people crackberryin' it up in the middle of conversations, checking emails literally AS they come (but then complaining about how many emails they get), posting responses to posts and pictures within seconds...Damn do we not have lives anymore? Even I am guilty of hyper-email checking syndrome. I started thinking about the post-apocalyptic nightmare that would be..a life without the internet, and I have made a few predictions. Enjoy:

Life without Myspace:
- Nothing would change.

Life without Facebook:
- Our network of friends would once again be reduced to that one other coworker in the cubicle and perhaps our moms..if they're not busy actually connecting with friends the old-school way liiiike meeting with them or giving them a call.
- Digital camera sales would decrease sharply.

Life without Youtube:
- Productivity at work would increase by 100% as documented by this Onion article that one of my besties sent to me...while at work of course.
- The quality of television would greatly increase because TV wouldn't be trying to compete with this or even this.

Life without Twitter:
- Soulja Boy Tell 'Em would return to his home planet after failing to destroy the human race by infiltrating the minds of the youth and dishing out garbage instead of anything substantive at all.

Life without FML and Failblog:
- People would be forced to simply laugh at their own mistakes and pathetic lives as was the case in the 90s and years prior. Unless they're rich in which case they would still continue to derive pleasure from other peoples' misfortunes.

Life without the YBF:
- Nobody would know the following people are actually in existence: Solange, Teairra Marie (I wonder if that's even spelled correctly), Angel Lola Luv and Bobbi Kris (who? exactly)
- Women would be forced to make their own fashion choices more regularly without the assistance of pictures regarding what Rihanna wore last Tuesday to CVS

Life without Tinker:
- Wait...what the *@$# is Tinker? So I looked this mess up and you can see for yourself. If you don't feel like it, here's a quick descrip: it's a site where people talk about what other people talk about on Twitter....???? I will probably have a Tinker account by next year * sighs *

Hipster remix coming on the next post (if you think it's hard to facebook-youtube-ybf it up at work, you better believe it's rough trying to compose a remix and post it at work :-p)

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

What hooks you?

So it's called a hook for a reason. After a conversation with some friends from Tee-three (
The Talented Tenth) regarding the illustrious west-coastin' hook-singing guru of our generation Nate Dogg, I started thinking about the best hooks of all time and subsequently the best hook singers/rappers around. Here's a comprehensive list of the top 10 hook-makers of all time (slash that I could think of with my cubicle buddy to waste some time). Think somebody's missing? Comment.

1. Pharrell
2. T-Pain
3. The Dream
4. Drake
5. 50 Cent
6. Lady Gaga
7. Michael Jackson
8. Destiny's Child
9. *Sigh* Nate Dogg
10. Rihanna

...This list didn't even touch on rock...oh well! Thoughts?

PS...My first post talked about how hot Pleasure P's "Under" was...and bam, look at that -- the newest single. Video here.